File under: Things I didn't know about parenthood before I became a mom

1. How much sewing would be involved. I swear I'm mending hems, sewing on buttons, fixing loveys, or taking in straps at least twice a month. I don't iron, though. Not ever.

2. That managing my child's wardrobe would take such effort. Between the boxes of clothes to grow into, the boxes to hand down, the bag for the secondhand shop, and the bag for the thrift store, that's a lot of organization! In addition, who knew it would be so hard to find seasonally appropriate clothes that fit? An example: This past summer, 2.5 year old Hester wore a skirt in size 6-9 months (!!!) as well as several 4T shirts. What gives, children's clothing manufacturers? Sizes aren't even consistent within brands.

3. That I would really miss reading while eating. Remember those days? The days when you could sit at the table with a magazine and have a quiet meal? Sigh.

4. That I would learn to like peas and many other vegetables. Shocking! Hester loves them, and her enthusiasm has rubbed off on me.

5. That running errands by myself would feel like a vacation. Seriously. Those hours last weekend when I was having new tires put on the car? "Me time," baby!

Exhaling

We've had another tough couple of weeks, but it's really and truly fall now. Things are bound to get better, right?

An update

A difficult month

It's been a tough month for us. In the span of 11 days I lost two grandmothers, which meant 3 weekends in a row that we were traveling to plan/attend memorial services. In addition, the discrimination case that Petunia filed five years ago finally came to public hearing last week; both of us had to testify last Thursday. After all the fun in September, I can't wait to see what kind of madness October will bring. I'm hoping for a calm, relaxing month. Fingers crossed, anyway.


On adoption

Adoption has been front and center in my mind this week. Hester's birth father called us the other night and spoke with Petunia and Hester; he also handed the phone to Tyler, Hester's 7 y.o. brother. From what Bobby says, Tyler's having a really hard time with Hester's adoption. Just a small example: he won't wear the shoes (black Chucks that match a pair of Hester's shoes) we sent him for his birthday; instead, he keeps them safe in his closet "because my sister sent them to me." It kills me to hear that. We have some plans in place for helping the siblings stay in touch even more, but it's hard because of the geographical distance between us. Also hard: Hester's birth mom is having a really tough time right now. We haven't heard from her in months and there's no way for us to contact her. At this point, all we can do is hope and pray that she's okay.

On a different note, I learned this week that one of my aunts had placed many of her children for adoption in the 1960s. I thought she only had 3 children; however, she had close to 10 kids in all. Apparently, domestic violence played a role in her decision to place her kids, but so did the prejudices of the time (when she remarried, her husband refused to raise children "born out of wedlock," so she made adoption plans for those children). It makes things even worse to know that all of those children (save two) died of muscular dystrophy. I can't begin to wrap my mind around that kind of pain and loss.

On a happier note

We got to see Trista, our dear friend and Hester's godmother, last weekend! She lives in Florida but came up to New England for her baby shower. She looks amazing and it was wonderful to see her again. We also caught up with other friends at her shower, which was great, too. To top things off, Trista made the most incredible flannel quilt for Hester; she constructed it from Hester's receiving blankets. I need to take some pictures, but in the meantime let me just say this: this quilt features handmade chenille!!! That's love right there.

Cape Cod Vacation

Our first day of vacation...Hester loves the ocean!

Walking through the woods at the Cape Cod Lavender Farm

Beach baby

Petting Liz, a bearded dragon, at the Cape Cod Zooquarium

Twirling her glow stick at the Chatham Band Concert

It seems like many months ago now, but we had the loveliest time on the Cape in August. It was a wonderful vacation filled with sunshine, ocean beaches, and laughter. We're looking forward to going back again next year.

Easing up

Good news: We're doing a little better these days. We still have too many balls in the air and lots of neighborhood stress, but we're beginning to feel less jumpy. Petunia has a couple of tricks up her sleeve that might help us out of this mess, plus we've been working hard on some house projects. It feels good to dig in and start planning our way out of here.

Better news: We're going on vacation! We'll leave Friday night for the Cape, and we're really looking forward to the downtime. Hester says she's hoping to ride a carousel, hit the beach and "just be together," which just about breaks my heart. Seriously, how cute is that? We're lucky to be spending some time with some friends while we're down there, too. It should be a great week.

Holding our breath

I'm glad to have reconnected with several of my neighbors over the past few days. We loiter on the sidewalks talking about the humidity, music, food, babies. We'll discuss anything but the recent tragedy in our neighborhood. However, I've noticed how we blanch when a police car drives by, how we hold our breath when an ambulance parks down the street. We are scared, weary, wary.

Listening to the neighborhood kids

I took the kids to the playground this morning; the neighborhood center runs a summer program there, so the place was packed with elementary school students on break. After listening to several 10-year olds discuss their college plans ("I wanna go to MIT or to Boston University." "Well, you better start handin' in your book reports on time if you want to go to those schools!"), I eavesdropped on their conversation about the recent murder/abduction in our neighborhood:

"My dad says it was perfectly planned. It was still really bad, though."
"You know the SWAT team is watching us right now? They are. They have invisible cameras to catch the man who did it. They can see everything we're doing."
"You're stupid--SWAT team's still in that lady's house. Maybe they're hiding in her closet where they found her body. She was dead for days and getting all rotten."
"But it's good they found her baby, man. That little baby got cut out like in a C-section. That's how my mom had me. They just sliced her open and stole her baby and ran away."
"I live right near there. You know how we come home from swimming? You can see all the bears and flowers there on the fence."
"Why would someone do that? Maybe her boyfriend didn't want to be a dad. Maybe that's why he did it."
"Naw, some crazy lady did it."
"Naw, her boyfriend just got arrested."
"Cuz he killed her?"
"Naw, cuz he hit her. This was, like, a while ago. Before she died."
"Maybe he paid to have it done--JINX! You owe me a soda!!!"

And with that, they moved on to other topics, like favorite sodas and which 5th grade teacher is the hardest.